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Using Teachable Moments
Teachable moments are those great life experiences that allow us to provide learning experiences or conversations with our children. Back in my days of teaching parenting classes, I always recommended parents find teachable moments, whether on TV or on billboards on the highway, to start those parent-child conversations about tough subjects related to values, expectations, sexuality, or other teenage issues.
Teachable moments are real-life situations that provide an excuse for a conversation with your child. They are situations right in front of you that provide opportunities for on-the-spot parenting and short conversations that give kids something to ponder and consider. They are a way to communicate your values in short snippets of conversation without having the "big conversation," which so many pre-teens and teens seem to want to avoid.
Horse showing provides some great teachable moments. Issues like competition and sportsmanship are always evident in the schooling ring or the show ring. How many children have you seen talk back to a parent or a trainer, complain about judging, or act inappropriately with their horse? There are those days when the ride is not perfect or the horse and rider are off their game, and it is much easier to blame the trainer or the judge rather than look at their own behavior. A great teachable moment about competition and sportsmanship exists right at the ring during every show.
Value conversations are also important with children. Even though the popular wisdom is that kids are easily influenced by their peers, the data says otherwise and parents have the greatest influence on their children's values. So, it is important to talk about your values around key issues that are important to you. Horse shows and drugging are a great opportunity. Drugs can be legal but many people use them without regard to the rules. It is an opportunity to talk about ethics, rules and what your values are about drugging. (This might be an eye opener for your trainer!). Do you win at all costs, follow the rules, risk drug testing, or get better informed? Kids as early as nine and ten are watching, so determine now what messages to you want to send. A great teachable moment exists on this topic.
Ever listen to the conversations while braiding, grooming or saddling up horses? There are some interesting ones in the show tents and stalls where sound carries. Think about all those as some interesting teachable moments when the trainer over the next aisle talks about staying out drinking all night and then comes to the show.
Winning and losing provides some great teachable moments as well. What is the value of hard work, determination, and early morning exercise for the rider and horse? What is the value if the groom does everything and gets the brush off when the ribbons or the ride are not that great? What is the acceptable behavior around the ring and the stalls when there are no ribbons or when you have won and others have not? Valuable conversations about real life situations occur every day at the horse shows.
Those long car rides to horse shows are also great opportunities for some quality time and conversations with children. You can initiate conversations about school, friends and the latest at the barn. There can be conversations about preparing or debriefing the horse show. Communicating your values and your family expectations or code of behavior is important. You can role model it everyday, but short conversations about someone else help to reinforce it.
As you initiate these conversations, keep in mind the developmental level of your child, and keep the conversation appropriate for that developmental level. My conversation about an alcohol billboard with a nine-year old is very different than a sixteen-year old. One is ready for a simple, clear-cut conversation, while the older one needs more depth, rationale and information.
One tip for using a teachable moment is to start by asking a question so the child is immediately engaged in the conversation. This strategy provides you as the parent with some great information as to what your child is ready to discuss and how they view a situation. This starting point will provide you with the frame of reference from which to approach what you're going to say and how you're going to say it.
So, be the Savvy Show Mom. Find teachable moments and use them at the horse shows!
Veteran show mom Kathy Keeley has six years of horse showing experience from locals to A Circuit to NCCA Varsity Equestrian Shows. Get your free horse show packing list when you subscribe to our newsletter at ShowMom.com , the first online community created especially for horseshow mothers and daughters who want to learn how to successfully navigate the horseshow circuit and maintain a great mother-daughter relationship.
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