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August 3, 2007
A Note from Kathy: Getting Kicked!
Feature Article: Using Teachable Moments
Survey: Take it Now
Ask A Question or Send a Comment: Switching Trainers
Welcome to the Savvy Show Mom Ezine by Kathy Keeley and ShowMom.com
>>A Note from Kathy: Getting Kicked
It finally happened. I got kicked by one our horses. It was one of those freak accidents while I was moving horses between pastures. One horse decides to lean over the fence to bite the one I am leading and she then takes off at a gallop to avoid the bite. I got kicked in the ankle - a nice solid hoof mark on my foot and much swelling. It did not break, fortunately, but there was serious tissue damage, and I am in my second week of using crutches, wheelchair and now a boot. This all happened on the day my hardwood floors were getting put into the living room, dining room and kitchen, so I was locked in a bedroom and not able to get into most of the house. Did I also mention that I was home alone? Okay, done with the whining. "This was not on my schedule," I told my doctor, and life has slowed down considerably since the accident. So, the lesson here is to be always careful. I have gone 10 years without a problem, but accidents are almost inevitable when you are around horses. I had a perfect record. In the future, I will be using a lead rope and not my hands, and I will wear higher shoes with ankle protection when I am working with horses. This accident has also taught me to be more careful and not so casual. Hmmmmm, sounds like I am talking to my daughter. Good lesson for myself! :) Be The Savvy ShowMom!
Kathy Keeley, Head Show Mom and Founder,
ShowMom.com
>>Feature Article: Using Teachable Moments by Kathy Keeley, The Savvy ShowMom
Teachable moments are those great life experiences that allow us to provide learning experiences or conversations with our children. Back in my days of teaching parenting classes, I always recommended parents find teachable moments, whether on TV or on billboards on the highway, to start those parent-child conversations about tough subjects related to values, expectations, sexuality, or other teenage issues.
Teachable moments are real-life situations that provide an excuse for a conversation with your child. They are situations right in front of you that provide opportunities for on-the-spot parenting and short conversations that give kids something to ponder and consider. They are a way to communicate your values in short snippets of conversation without having the "big conversation," which so many pre-teens and teens seem to want to avoid.
Horse showing provides some great teachable moments. Issues like competition and sportsmanship are always evident in the schooling ring or the show ring. How many children have you seen talk back to a parent or a trainer, complain about judging, or act inappropriately with their horse? There are those days when the ride is not perfect or the horse and rider are off their game, and it is much easier to blame the trainer or the judge rather than look at their own behavior. A great teachable moment about competition and sportsmanship exists right at the ring during every show.
Value conversations are also important with children. Even though the popular wisdom is that kids are easily influenced by their peers, the data says otherwise and parents have the greatest influence on their children's values. So, it is important to talk about your values around key issues that are important to you. Horse shows and drugging are a great opportunity. Drugs can be legal but many people use them without regard to the rules. It is an opportunity to talk about ethics, rules and what your values are about drugging. (This might be an eye opener for your trainer!). Do you win at all costs, follow the rules, risk drug testing, or get better informed? Kids as early as nine and ten are watching, so determine now what messages to you want to send. A great teachable moment exists on this topic.
Ever listen to the conversations while braiding, grooming or saddling up horses? There are some interesting ones in the show tents and stalls where sound carries. Think about all those as some interesting teachable moments when the trainer over the next aisle talks about staying out drinking all night and then comes to the show.
Winning and losing provides some great teachable moments as well. What is the value of hard work, determination, and early morning exercise for the rider and horse? What is the value if the groom does everything and gets the brush off when the ribbons or the ride are not that great? What is the acceptable behavior around the ring and the stalls when there are no ribbons or when you have won and others have not? Valuable conversations about real life situations occur every day at the horse shows.
Those long car rides to horse shows are also great opportunities for some quality time and conversations with children. You can initiate conversations about school, friends and the latest at the barn. There can be conversations about preparing or debriefing the horse show. Communicating your values and your family expectations or code of behavior is important. You can role model it everyday, but short conversations about someone else help to reinforce it.
As you initiate these conversations, keep in mind the developmental level of your child, and keep the conversation appropriate for that developmental level. My conversation about an alcohol billboard with a nine-year old is very different than a sixteen-year old. One is ready for a simple, clear-cut conversation, while the older one needs more depth, rationale and information.
One tip for using a teachable moment is to start by asking a question so the child is immediately engaged in the conversation. This strategy provides you as the parent with some great information as to what your child is ready to discuss and how they view a situation. This starting point will provide you with the frame of reference from which to approach what you're going to say and how you're going to say it.
So, be the Savvy Show Mom. Find teachable moments and use them at the horse shows!
>>Survey: Take it Now
Ever wonder about other show moms and why they participate in horse showing, who they are and what we have in common?
Take the first ever survey of show moms. Results will be published in our upcoming newsletter.
You can take the survey here.
>>Ask A Question or Send a Comment
Help! Switching trainers is a difficult and often emotional time. Email me with reasons why you think you should or would switch and effective ways of handling this decision. I am looking for ideas for the next column and would love to hear from you.
Missed the last newsletter on working with your trainer. Review it here.
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