Our daughter showed on the A Circuit for three years at shows that were mostly in the South East. Living only 15 minutes from the Olympic Horse Park in Atlanta, we had many show circuit opportunities at home. For two of those years, we also found our way to Capital Challenge and the National Horse Show in Wellington, Florida.

Some of our more interesting experiences:

• RV fire in Gulfport - yes, we had an electrical fire and totaled an RV just three days into a two week stint at Gulfport show. No beach for us! We went from one motel to another as they were full with other reservations, lived out of plastic bags and smoke-filled, smelly tack and clothes. In spite of it all, my daughter was champion that weekend. We stayed focused on our work and problem-solved the rest. I hope she learned about working under adverse conditions.
• Nationals '03 - rider and horse did very well, got many ribbons, named Reserve Champion for her division, award ceremony, pictures, etc. A very excited kid and trainer who had made it to their goal. Two months later while reading Chronicle of the Horse, we see someone else listed as Reserve Champion for her division. Does anyone inform us at the show or call to say there was a mistake in the interpretation of the rules? No, we read it in a magazine and when we call to inquire, we are told to get a life, not their responsibility. Hmm, lesson here, life is unfair, adults do not always act responsibly, rules are important, or connections and who you are is more important than playing by the rules.
• Ambulance takes daughter out of the ring on a backboard. Yes, she had the great fall - took a long distance at a 3'6" fence, crashed, both rider and horse go down. Her neck snapped, she is unconscious and when she awakes, she thinks she is in the roundpen at home - no memory of crash. We call the ambulance for a ride and afternoon at the hospital. Thank god for helmets with back piece for the neck. An MRI and CAT scan later, she's fine, walks out of hospital on pain medication and rides in a flat class the next day. Never hear from the horse show office or officials. I go to sign out and find out that they want her ribbons and money back as she did not finish the division. I proceed to get steward, who lectures me on division rules. I am not disagreeing, just stunned at the office's response and speechless at their tone. Hmmn, lesson here - do not send calm but shaky mother to check out, new rule needed for when kids fall off and nearly kills themselves, mother needed pain medication at seeing daughter unconscious in ring or we never should have moved up to 3'6". Or bad things happen, it can create a slump and you need time, care, and practice to come back.
• Major year end EQ class - we lease a horse, daughter practices for months trying to rebuild riding confidence, win medal classes and all is going well. Big EQ final class down to top five and daughter is not called back for top three. Her ride was beautiful and trainer, rider and others at gate surprised. We decide it would be good to get some feedback from the judge. There must have been a major mistake that no one saw. After getting the steward's permission to speak with judge, the judge takes my daughter aside, gets her score sheet and tells her she missed her - she was top in the class but her score was overlooked when calling out the finalists. She is then sworn to secrecy - can only tell parents and her trainer. Hmmm. Month's of preparation down the drain! Judge is honest and we do appreciate that, no one is to know and we needed this for college tape. No one offers to reimburse our money (way to high expectation on my part). What do we do? Honor judge's request to keep our mouths' shut and move on. Lesson, judges make mistakes. We must remember that we are riding for the best ride, not ribbons and tropheys.
  
  Would I do it again? Yes, my daughter gained confidence, learned to set goals and found that hard work can help you achieve those goals, and discipline for what it takes to be an athlete.

Lessons:

Teamwork and partnership replaced mother and daughter at the shows. We developed a way of working together that has laid a foundation for our adult relationships. We each had our roles and a job description and it only worked successfully when we did our jobs. My role was as her partner - driving, grooming, holding horses and the providing a safe horse and a solid trainer.

Let the trainer and child work as a team - stay out of the training even if you showed as a kid and think you know as much as the trainer. You hired a professional so let them do their job and if you do have conversations - do it in private away from the kids and the ring. My habit became that once they left the barn, I stayed at a safe distance away both in the schooling area and at the ring. I never stood at the gate, only on the side of the ring. I got out of their way and gave them their space to work.

You are not the customer - I finally realized that I was not the real customer for the horse show managers and secretaries. The real customer is the trainer - the person who picks the horse shows and classes, brings multiple horses and riders and is someone they feel more comfortable with negotiating. I may pay the bill but at the end of the day the show managers do not treat me like a customer. Only thing I can think of where I spend thousands of dollars and am not the real customer. Once I got this mindset, I got the picture of my place in the show world.

Judging is political and can be unfair, but then so is life. There are too many situations where the judges buy and sell, train or do business with other trainers. It is just the way it is and who ever said life was fair? I don't see any way of fixing this - it is just a fact that you have to deal with. Help kids focus on the best ride, the experience and not the politics of what trainer is at the ring, who knows what judge, etc. Ride to ride and figure out how to compete.

Parents focus too much on winning and put pressure on the kids and the trainers to perform for the ribbons. I have watched parents stand at the gate yelling at kids during a class, recounting points with the gatekeeper, bad mouthing judges and giving their trainers a tough time. I remember at Nationals, one mother yelled at a kid during a flat class just five feet from the judge. Then there was that other mother telling her child she would never show again if she didn't win. Kids and trainers are working with horses, not robots, and all three must click for it all to work together. We as parents really need to watch ourselves and the impression and tension we create at shows.

Kids need to be held up to a standard of sportsmanship. Although they are individually competing against each other, there is no excuse for rudeness and lack of common courtesy to the trainer, horse, and other competitors and parents. I have sat in golf carts with many crying mothers after having a rude exchange with their teen. Maybe we do too much for them? Make horse showing a right instead of a privilege? I am not sure what it is but we need to be a role model for sportsmanship. There is one family that two years later will still not speak to me over a state championship.

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