Horse Showing and Parenting
By Kathy Keeley

Horse Showing provides many opportunities to parent and raise a healthy teenager. My listening opportunities are at their best when we travel to and from horse shows. The trip out each morning is usually full of nervous anticipation and a time when I find out many things that are on my daughter’s mind. It may or may not have to do with horse showing – in fact most times it has to do with school or friend situations. Now at her age, it often has to do with boyfriend situations.

The way home can be a little trickier depending on how the show day has gone. Sometimes there is the thrill and satisfaction of having done very well. Other times there is the disappointment at having missed a distance or a lead change that ruined a class. My listening skills are especially important at those moments to have her work through her own disappointment, what she did incorrect, and how tomorrow is another day with more chances to improve her riding. I want her to know that you cannot win everyday and hard work is an important part of competition.

Teachable moments happen all the time. We may observe how someone treats a groom early in the morning or watch when a family pays a “name” trainer to stand at the gate at a national horse show. Good and difficult judging provides great conversation pieces about the fairness of life and doing your best. Drugging seems rampant back in the show tents - at what cost must someone win? How about the situation when parents blast a trainer at the gate when their rider does not perform well - something we all have seen. What about the value of the money and how it is displayed at a shows? Witnessing these events gives us the opportunity for a conversation back at the barn or on the trip home. Last year we went to the National Horse Show in West Palm Beach and had a series of experiences that left us much to talk about - especially when she was awarded Reserve Champion which was then taken away a month later.

Communicating our values has become one of our priorities. Ethics, sportsmanship, and understanding competition are all values that we have had to communicate and discuss to help our daughter keep a perspective. Think of a typical weekend with all of the conversations in the show tents and what happens out in the schooling area and in front of the show ring. There are many opportunities to observe all kinds of situations. The true challenge is to take those situations and turn them into learning experiences for our children. Adult behavior is not always at its best at a horse show. How many of us board in barns where petty gossip and hurtful comments are made?

It is not always easy to hold a conversation with a teen especially one facing competition. Timing is everything and looking for those rare moments of openness and listening on their part can make all the difference in a conversation. It also will depend on their age. A conversation with a 13 year old is very different than one with a 17 year old. Each child develops or matures at their own pace and it's our job as parents to find ways to communicate appropriate to their age.

Participating in sports has shown to be a good thing for adolescent girls and boys. Athletic events provide a playing field for learning a number of important lessons from winning and losing to managing defeat, working with a team and the responsibility of hard work. Horse showing with our daughters is our opportunity to make sports situations real life experiences.

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