Learning to Set Goals
By Kathy Keeley

Setting goals is an opportunity to provide some parenting and guidance to a teen. It is one of those great teachable moments where a parent can help a teen learn an important skill needed in adulthood.

Each year my daughter and I have a discussion about our goals for the show year. We usually start about the end of the season and spend more time discussing it at the December early shows.

I want my daughter to learn how to set goals, work towards achieving them and problem solve when things do not go as planned. Showing has become our way of preparing her for adulthood in an environment that means something to her.

We set short term goals or more immediate goals and a multiple year or longer term goal. This conversation usually starts with me asking about her goals for the coming year. We usually have a series of conversations over the month. It seems to work best when we are driving or if she is doing something in the barn such as grooming a horse - in other words in captured space. I ask what she is thinking about for the coming year. What does she want to achieve? What worked last year and what would she do differently.

At some point, I call the trainer and have a conversation with her about what is realistic, what her goals are for Meg and what she thinks we can do. I have to take into account the horse, the rider and my finances. When Meg seems more certain about what she wants to do, we sit down with the trainer and have a three way conversation. Meg and the trainer have already talked about their goals, especially as she is 17 years old and more mature.

With a younger teen, it takes more patience and help in understanding what a goal is, what is reasonable, and how to go about setting one. It is very important for a younger teen to set goals than can be achieved so she learns the concept of applying hard work and achievement. It is also important to reward and celebrate when goals are achieved. For some teens, it may be improving a riding technique, getting around the course, placing in the ribbons, or holding the attitude to be more sportsman-like.

The key is that the goals are negotiated between your daughter, the trainer and yourself. Finances have to play a role in the discussion as does the ability of the horse. Two things that you cannot necessarily change. It is important to have a budget and set a limit on what you can afford. Horse showing is expensive.

Another consideration will be your horse. It has to be capable of doing what you want. New goals may mean selling the horse or you may have to adjust to fit the horse. This is another great teachable moment to understand the trade offs between what you can do and what you want to do.

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